Includer: When Belonging Bottlenecks

If you lead with Includer, chances are you’ve been doing this your whole life without even realising it:

• You spot the person hovering at the edge.
• You widen the circle so others don’t have to ask.
• You notice who’s being overlooked long before anyone else clocks it.
• You bring warmth, fairness, and humanity into rooms where confidence or hierarchy might otherwise dominate.

And teams need this. Especially in engineering and STEM cultures where pace, precision, and problem‑solving can unintentionally push people to the margins.

But like every CliftonStrength, Includer has a dark side — a point where ‘making room for everyone’ becomes emotional labour, bottlenecks decisions, or quietly burns you out. And even overwhelms those closest to you. Imagine their Includer was at 34. Mine is only at 21 yet my other half has it in his Top 10. There are times when I have to say – “just the two of us” 🙂

For further information about how one CliftonStrength can lead to frustration, irritation ofrconflict with another, read the Katalytik Conflict and Communication Whitepaper.

Let’s explore where that tipping point is, and how to keep this talent operating in Jedi mode rather than overload mode.

When Includer is working well (the Jedi version)

Healthy, balanced Includer looks like:

• making it easy for new people to join and contribute
• ensuring quieter or less confident voices are heard
• spotting exclusion before it becomes harm
• creating a ‘we’re in this together’ team culture
• removing small barriers that make people feel ‘other’

It’s not about making everything soft or conflict-free. It’s about creating conditions where everyone can perform at their best.

The Dark Side of Includer: when Inclusion turns into carrying

Our talents are innate. They are so much a part of who we are sometimes we fail to even notice they exist or their impact on others.

I asked two people in a workshop recently, both who had Includer in their Top 5 ‘Do you ever go out for a quiet drink with one other person?’ They laughed: ‘Never — we’re always adding people, even when it’s not our event.’ They both paused and looked a bit awkward as they realised their partners had said to them both more than once – just us!

Take time to notice how includer can show up for you.

1) ‘Everyone should be involved’ becomes your default setting

This sounds generous. But it can result in:
• too many people in meetings
• delays because you feel everyone deserves a say
• decision loops where nothing actually moves
• emotional exhaustion because you’re holding the group’s needs

The paradox? Over‑inclusion can make teams feel less included, because confusion replaces clarity.

2) Avoiding discomfort to avoid exclusion

Sometimes what someone really needs is clear feedback, a decision, a boundary, or a ‘this isn’t your remit’ moment. Your Includer usually softens truth to avoid someone feeling shut out. That’s exactly where resentment can start building.

Includer’s kryptonite: confusing kindness with comfort. True inclusion sometimes requires uncomfortable clarity. Direct talk. Try reading (or the audio version or podcast) Kim Scott’s book, Radical Candour.

Signs your Includer Is sliding into the Dark Side

you feel guilty leaving people out (even when it makes sense)
you add more names to every invite list
you say yes to protect someone’s feelings
you become the perpetual ‘welcomer’ of the team
you over‑explain decisions so no one feels rejected
you carry emotional labour that isn’t shared
you end up tired from trying to maintain harmony for everyone else

Strategies to keep Includer in Jedi mode

1) Inclusion ≠ attendance

People don’t have to be in the room to be included. Try: small, decisive meetings; a quick ‘any input before we finalise?’ message; clear decision‑making structures; and follow‑up notes instead of everyone attending. This is inclusion by design — not by default.

2) Use the two‑circle model: CONSULT vs DECIDE

This releases enormous pressure. CONSULT = people who need to be heard. DECIDE = the accountable few. Voices matter without slowing everything down.

3) Practise non‑apology boundaries

Scripts to try: ‘I’m keeping this meeting small, but I’ll share the outcomes.’ ‘You’re included in the process — just not this part of it.’ ‘I want clarity for you as much as inclusion.’ Boundaries are inclusive when they support fairness and momentum.

4) Don’t become the organisation’s entire ‘inclusion system’

If you’re the only one noticing who’s left out — that’s a team design failure, not your personality trait. Make inclusion shared: rotate facilitation; rotate ‘who hasn’t spoken yet?’; create an onboarding system so it’s not all on you.

Strengths that pair well with Includer (your natural balancers)

Focus / Discipline — pushes work forward
Command / Activator — helps decisions land
Strategic — narrows inclusion to what’s useful
Responsibility — turns goodwill into dependable systems

Try this today

Before adding someone to a meeting, ask:

Who really needs to decide?
Who needs to be consulted?
Who simply needs the update afterward?

This alone can reduce your emotional load dramatically.

Deep dive — partner strength dynamics

Partner Strength	How it compares and contrasts with Includer	Dark‑side tension	Jedi collaboration strategy	Example
Relator	Loves depth; Includer loves breadth	Relator wants closeness; Includer keeps expanding the circle	Agree what situations are ‘small circle’ vs ‘open invite’	I asked two Includers ‘Do you ever go out for a quiet drink with one other person?’ They laughed: ‘Never — we’re always adding people, even when it’s not our event.’
Focus	Brings direction and priorities	Includer adds complexity; Focus wants simplicity	Let Focus define scope; Includer ensures people stay informed	‘Tell me who needs to be aware — and who doesn’t.’
Harmony	Avoids conflict; Includer avoids exclusion	Both avoid discomfort → issues get buried	Agree when honesty > comfort; surface tension early	‘We’ll address the tension before widening the group.’
Command	Makes tough calls quickly	Command excludes too fast; Includer includes too fast	Do a consult‑before‑decide check	‘Give me the voices that matter; I’ll make the call.’
Responsibility	Creates reliability	Both pick up extra work to protect others	Define collective responsibility and processes	‘Let’s build an onboarding checklist so it isn’t all on you.’

Final thought

Includer is a gorgeous strength. It makes teams safer, kinder, and more human. The goal is never to include less — it’s to include better. With design. With clarity. With shared responsibility.

Call to Action

Curious what your strengths are doing when you’re under pressure? Book a coaching conversation or explore our strengths workshops to bring ‘Jedi inclusion’ into your team.